At this time we are requesting a revision before we consider your application for acceptance. Specifically we would like to request a revision on your character's personality - although major points were expressed clearly, some parts seemed confusing and somewhat contradictory (particularly so regarding the mask he puts on to make up for how he feels about his own demeanor). We feel that perhaps if you were to go a bit more in-depth about his personality, this would clear up some of that confusion.
Aditionally, we would like to request a different first-person sample, if that is at all possible.
REVISION REQUESTED
At this time we are requesting a revision before we consider your application for acceptance. Specifically we would like to request a revision on your character's personality - although major points were expressed clearly, some parts seemed confusing and somewhat contradictory (particularly so regarding the mask he puts on to make up for how he feels about his own demeanor). We feel that perhaps if you were to go a bit more in-depth about his personality, this would clear up some of that confusion.
Aditionally, we would like to request a different first-person sample, if that is at all possible.