At this time, we are requesting revisions on both your personality section and your first person sample.
Concerning the personality, we feel as if there is something missing, and that we would need to know a little more of the character's inner workings before we can reconsider this part of your application.
We would also like to see a revision of your first person sample, particularly to see it in present tense and to give it more of a feel of an action post.
REVISION REQUESTED
At this time, we are requesting revisions on both your personality section and your first person sample.
Concerning the personality, we feel as if there is something missing, and that we would need to know a little more of the character's inner workings before we can reconsider this part of your application.
We would also like to see a revision of your first person sample, particularly to see it in present tense and to give it more of a feel of an action post.