At this time we are requesting a revision before we consider your application for acceptance. Specifically, we would like to see you expound more upon McCoy's "Personality" section; There is more to him than just his work as a doctor, after all.
Further, please review your third person sample; The sample you provided was in fact written in first person/present tense, whereas third person is meant to be prose/past tense.
Feel free to resubmit your revisions whenever they're completed, and we will be more than happy to review your changes.
[REVISION REQUESTED]
At this time we are requesting a revision before we consider your application for acceptance. Specifically, we would like to see you expound more upon McCoy's "Personality" section; There is more to him than just his work as a doctor, after all.
Further, please review your third person sample; The sample you provided was in fact written in first person/present tense, whereas third person is meant to be prose/past tense.
Feel free to resubmit your revisions whenever they're completed, and we will be more than happy to review your changes.