(I feel really stupid messing up the tense like that, especially after what I said about the person shift. I apologize. Here is a revised version of that post.)
[Bae was pacing around. Henry and his Papa had showed him how to use the… watch… thing. He still was unsure about it. It was too much like magic. But… today is his first day alone since he got here… and it reminded him too much of when his father would vanish, as the Dark One… and reappear with some baubles that he thought that Bae would want; as if Bae would want them more than he wanted his Papa with him. The loneliness was eating him with worry for his father. So… he was risking this… to ask Henry what he hadn’t quite dared ask in front of his father.]
Is this magic? [He asks. A simple question that he was trying to send to Henry and Henry alone.]
[It might help if he would specify what “this” was.]
Re: REVISION REQUESTED
[Bae was pacing around. Henry and his Papa had showed him how to use the… watch… thing. He still was unsure about it. It was too much like magic. But… today is his first day alone since he got here… and it reminded him too much of when his father would vanish, as the Dark One… and reappear with some baubles that he thought that Bae would want; as if Bae would want them more than he wanted his Papa with him. The loneliness was eating him with worry for his father. So… he was risking this… to ask Henry what he hadn’t quite dared ask in front of his father.]
Is this magic? [He asks. A simple question that he was trying to send to Henry and Henry alone.]
[It might help if he would specify what “this” was.]