"If I seek the Holy Grail for my own desire, that will mean that I have betrayed my own teacher and mentor."
It's impossible to examine Kirei's present character without considering his future. Even if there are certain choices he has not made yet, certain things he has not done, the fact is that the potential to do them resides within him, and it is this potential that is an immensely important aspect of his character, because it defines him. All his actions revolve around his simultaneous awareness and rejection of his true self and the potential that resides within him.
Is it possible that Kirei could have escaped his self-realization and managed to repress his desires for the remainder of his life? It might have been. He has managed to do so for this long, well into his twenties. It would have been difficult, but not impossible. He does not have that chance, as the Grail War creates the perfect environment in which his delight in suffering can bloom and flourish. It is a bloody, violent battle between magi, in which many participants will certainly die. It is impossible for him to avoid encountering extreme suffering of various kinds. He is further encouraged in his desire by the Servant of his own tutor: Archer, aka. Gilgamesh. He may be an intelligent, strong-willed man, but he is not immune to manipulation, especially that which encourages to take the path of least resistance, which leads him toward pleasure.
If not for the Grail War and the urging of Gilgamesh, he may have managed to continue to resist. This is a very particular and unusual series of events, and even within them, Kirei refuses the darker truth of his nature again and again before finally relenting.
When he does allow himself to behave according to his nature at last, he will accept that his "bliss" lies only in others' suffering. He'll be able to enjoy himself, in his own way. He will aim to create pain for others and suffering on a grand scale. He will delight in betrayal, chaos, and misery. He will betray his teacher and try to attain the Grail, and it will show him what it is he truly longs for. Yet at the same time, he will not be content to simply become and remain this person who delights in evil. Aware of his own monstrosity, he will still remember his desire to be like others. He'll envy them, as he wonders why he cannot be like them, even as he plots their destruction.
In the next Grail War, he will not seek the Grail for himself, but he will try to make sure that another uses it. The Grail is tainted, and he decides he wants to see it come into being because he believes it is like himself. He thinks its creation can tell him something about himself, just as, in the course of his first Grail War, he will seek Kiritsugu Emiya for the same answer, before realizing, with disgust, that Kiritsugu does not hold the answers he desires but is an idealist with what Kirei sees as a simplistic, impossible wish.
"Conflict is humanity's primal instinct. Eliminating it would mean eliminating humanity itself."
Unlike his counterpart/foil Kiritsugu Emiya, he does not believe that peace or the "salvation" of humanity is possible. He is a man with a negative view of humanity, untouched by idealism because of the simple fact that he has no ideals.
Kirei is a man who was born what most would consider a monster. He's never found any pleasure except in seeing others suffer, in causing that suffering. He is aware of that fact on some level even when he is denying it, yet he fights against it. He is a man of conflict, of action. He struggles against his fate, and even when he no longer denies it, he struggles to understand it.
Kirei is an asker of questions, a seeker of answers. This is not necessarily a bad thing to be, but in his case, the answers and the means to find them are dangerous, if not fatal, to others.
[Canon] Kirei Kotomine | Fate/Zero | Reserved | 3/4
"If I seek the Holy Grail for my own desire, that will mean that I have betrayed my own teacher and mentor."
It's impossible to examine Kirei's present character without considering his future. Even if there are certain choices he has not made yet, certain things he has not done, the fact is that the potential to do them resides within him, and it is this potential that is an immensely important aspect of his character, because it defines him. All his actions revolve around his simultaneous awareness and rejection of his true self and the potential that resides within him.
Is it possible that Kirei could have escaped his self-realization and managed to repress his desires for the remainder of his life? It might have been. He has managed to do so for this long, well into his twenties. It would have been difficult, but not impossible. He does not have that chance, as the Grail War creates the perfect environment in which his delight in suffering can bloom and flourish. It is a bloody, violent battle between magi, in which many participants will certainly die. It is impossible for him to avoid encountering extreme suffering of various kinds. He is further encouraged in his desire by the Servant of his own tutor: Archer, aka. Gilgamesh. He may be an intelligent, strong-willed man, but he is not immune to manipulation, especially that which encourages to take the path of least resistance, which leads him toward pleasure.
If not for the Grail War and the urging of Gilgamesh, he may have managed to continue to resist. This is a very particular and unusual series of events, and even within them, Kirei refuses the darker truth of his nature again and again before finally relenting.
When he does allow himself to behave according to his nature at last, he will accept that his "bliss" lies only in others' suffering. He'll be able to enjoy himself, in his own way. He will aim to create pain for others and suffering on a grand scale. He will delight in betrayal, chaos, and misery. He will betray his teacher and try to attain the Grail, and it will show him what it is he truly longs for. Yet at the same time, he will not be content to simply become and remain this person who delights in evil. Aware of his own monstrosity, he will still remember his desire to be like others. He'll envy them, as he wonders why he cannot be like them, even as he plots their destruction.
In the next Grail War, he will not seek the Grail for himself, but he will try to make sure that another uses it. The Grail is tainted, and he decides he wants to see it come into being because he believes it is like himself. He thinks its creation can tell him something about himself, just as, in the course of his first Grail War, he will seek Kiritsugu Emiya for the same answer, before realizing, with disgust, that Kiritsugu does not hold the answers he desires but is an idealist with what Kirei sees as a simplistic, impossible wish.
"Conflict is humanity's primal instinct. Eliminating it would mean eliminating humanity itself."
Unlike his counterpart/foil Kiritsugu Emiya, he does not believe that peace or the "salvation" of humanity is possible. He is a man with a negative view of humanity, untouched by idealism because of the simple fact that he has no ideals.
Kirei is a man who was born what most would consider a monster. He's never found any pleasure except in seeing others suffer, in causing that suffering. He is aware of that fact on some level even when he is denying it, yet he fights against it. He is a man of conflict, of action. He struggles against his fate, and even when he no longer denies it, he struggles to understand it.
Kirei is an asker of questions, a seeker of answers. This is not necessarily a bad thing to be, but in his case, the answers and the means to find them are dangerous, if not fatal, to others.